Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
