Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
