Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
