Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
