He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize