I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
