i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
