I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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