I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
