Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
