We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
