I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
