I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
