You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
