he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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