Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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