i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
