Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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