it's like heaven, but drunker
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
