Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
