i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
