If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
