well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
