I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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