So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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