She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
