A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize