dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
