I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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