They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
