Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
