The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
