This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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