I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
