This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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