He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
