Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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