that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
