Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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