My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
