Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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