Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
