you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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