So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
