ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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