so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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