Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

Can you return condoms to CVS?

(516): View more from New York

Only if you return your pride as well.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.

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(845): View more from New York

Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.

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(253): View more from Washington

I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.

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(914): View more from New York

Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him

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(440): View more from Ohio

It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night

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(207): View more from Maine

he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem

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(727): View more from Florida

How did you get him out of the shower last time?

(1-727): View more from Florida

Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.

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(647): View more from Ontario

He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me

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