dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Randomize
