dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Never underestimate the power of titties
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
