For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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