Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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