so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
