I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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