did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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