A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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