Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
