he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
