i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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