seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
