Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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