I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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