so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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