Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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