i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize