I'm going to jail i love you
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
