I got chris browned last night
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
