Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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